We have undertaken the study of the "present condition for senior citizens in Japan." It has been said that Japan was "aging society" however, the percentage of aged population has settle down at the high level. So now we are in "AGED society."

The current condition for senior citizens in Japan is not so good in some ways when we compared with other developed countries in terms of the social welfare system, including pension system, medical care system and so on.

This paper will discuss some of the following problems:

1. The number of retirement homes in Japan is growing in size, however, all of these homes are not well-run. And more than 30% people living there say that they are not satisfied.
2. In the past the oldest son/daughter of the family had taken care of their parents. But now this tradition is not being practiced to the same degree today. The oldest son/daughter are hav- ing many complaints about this tradition. Who takes care of their parents then?
3. Is the income enough for the senior citizens? The government pays a certain amount of pen- sion or social security to senior citizens. This money has come from a tax base of large number of workers. In the past, families had more children, so there were more workers to pay taxes and support fewer older people. But today, the opposite is occurring: Old people are increasing and a tax base to support them are decreasing since Japanese have been hav- ing fewer and fewer children.
4. There are many Japanese "well-to-do" seniors leaving Japan and retiring in foreign countries like Hawaii and Australia because the cost of living is lower than Japan, then the climate and the environment are good for their health. They can enjoy their lives after their ret- irement. But on the other hand, it is difficult to live abroad for "non-well-to-do" seniors. The gap between "well-to-do" and "non-well-to-do" seniors is very large.
5. The number of senior voters is growing. So they have a great effect on politics in Japan, and are able to change the present political condition. But senior voters, especially fifties and sixties are loosing their interest and their confidence in politics because the present political situation in Japan has become "chaos." They are busy in "enjoying" their lives.

Our final conclusion is the following:

It is difficult to solve the problems of the "aged society" without improving the present social security system. But if we would succeed in changing it in the future, and senior citi- zens would live their lives more easily than today, would they become happy? Why do the seniors living in a retirement home complain about cares for them?

We realized that the economy in Japan has developed, however, the relationship with family is being insufficient. There are less communication between old people and their son/daughter, and the number of seniors who are living alone is increasing. Loneliness makes people unhappy. We must give seniors not only a physical care, but also a mental care.

Grammatical corrections and comments

Suggested Correction	Short grammatical or logical explanation
We have undertaken the study of the "present condition for senior citizens in Japan." It has been said that Japan has become an"aging society". However, the percentage of theaged population has settled at a high level. So now we are in an "aged society."	** "has become" means that it "was" and still "is" an aging society. If you use the simple past "was", it implies that Japan once was an aging society but isn't anymore. I think you mean that Japan is still an aging society. Is this correct? ** It makes more sense to separate "society". However"...into 2 sentences, since they present separate ideas.... ** You need "the aged population" since you are writing about a definite type of population. ** "settled" is past tense of "to settle" ** "high level" requires the indefinite article "a". ..and "an aged society" requires "an", and aged should be lower case.
The current condition for senior citizens in Japan is not as good in some ways when compared with other developed countries in terms of the social welfare system, including pension and medical care systems and so on. This paper will discuss some of the following problems:	** "as" is better than "so"..."as" is used in comparisons. ** "we" is not necessary in "when compared". ** "pension and ...."can be combined since pension and medical care both refer to "systems".
The number of retirement homes in Japan is growing. However, all of these homes are not well-run. More than 30% of the people living there say that they are not satisfied. In the past the oldest son/daughter of the family took care of their parents. Today, this tradition is not being practiced to the same degree. The oldest son/daughter have many complaints about this tradition. Who takes care of their parents then? Is the income enough for the senior citizens? The government pays a certain amount of pen- sion or social security to senior citizens. This money has come from a tax base of a large number of workers. In the past, families had more children, so there were more workers to pay taxes and support fewer older people. But today, the opposite is occurring: Old people are increasing and a tax base to support them is decreasing since Japanese have been having fewer and fewer children. There are many Japanese "well-to-do" seniors leaving Japan and retiring in foreign countries like Hawaii and Australia because the cost of living is lower than Japan, and the climate and the environment are better for their health. They can enjoy their lives after their retirement. On the other hand, it is difficult to live abroad for "non-well-to-do" seniors. The gap between "well-to-do" and "non-well-to-do" seniors is very large. The number of senior voters is growing. So they have a great effect on politics in Japan, and may be able to change the present political condition. But senior voters, especially fifties and sixties are loosing interest and confidence in politics because of the present chaotic political situation in Japan. They are busy in "enjoying" their lives.	** .."growing. However" should be separated into two sentences. Also, you originally said that "retirement homes in Japan is growing in size"...this is an ambiguous statement (ambiguous-->means that your meaning is not clear...does it mean there are new homes being built or does it mean the old peoples homes are getting larger? ** "More than"...Try not starting a sentence with a conjunction like "and or but". ** "took care" means completely in the past... ** It is almost always better to simplify a sentence. Therefore, put "Today" at the beginning of the sentence to replace "But now" since both items "But now" and "Today" mean the same thing. ... ** "have" instead of "are having"... "are having" combines 2 verbs "to be" and "to have". This is a NO NO. ** "large number of workers" requires the indefinite article "a" since the noun "number" is a group noun (It is plural in meaning but actually includes a group..it is indefinite, so use "a". ) "a large number of workers" can be confusing since it seems that "workers" and not "number" is the main point..but that is incorrect. The sentence is complete if you just say "a large number".."of workers" is used like an adjective... ** "is decreasing" should be singular and not plural. The subject of this sentence is "tax base" which is singular. .. ** you need "and" in the expression "and the climate and the environment..." If there were series of more than 2 items such as "the climate, the ocean, the sky and the environment...", then you would only require 1 "and"... ** the term "better" should be used since it balances with "lower" and shows comparison. .. "good" does not show this comparison of meaning... ** "On the other...", avoids starting a sentence with a conjunction "But". .. ** "may be able" is better than "can change" since, as you state in the next sentences, the seniors appear to being enjoying themselves and are not actually "changing" the political situation. Therefore, it is probably better to use a phrase that gives the meaning of "possibility" rather than an "absolute" statement such as "can". ... ** "interest and confidence"..you do not need "their". It is clear from the subject that you are talking about senior voters. .. ** "because of the present chaotic political situation" is a much clearer and shorter expression than "because the present political situation in Japan has become "chaos". To help you in this situation: think about building this type of sentence by asking yourself questions: "situation in Japan"...and what kind of situation; "the political situation in Japan" and what kind of political situation "chaotic political situation in Japan" and when is this situation taking place "present political situation in Japan". TD>
Our final conclusion is the following: It is difficult to solve the problems of the "aged society" without improving the present social security system.If we could succeed in changing the social security system in the future, would senior citizens live their lives more easily than today? And would they become happy? Why do seniors living in a retirement home complain about who cares for them? We realized that while the economy in Japan has developed, , family relationships have not developed as much. There is less communication between senior citizens and their children , and the number of seniors who are living alone is increasing. Loneliness makes people unhappy. We must give seniors not only physical care, but also mental care.	** You are using "aged society" as a special term, so it is definite and requires "the". ** "If"..avoid using sentences that begin with conjunctions like "but" "or" "and"..however, see below for an exception to this general rule. ** "could succeed" means if we can do it..." and is better than "would succeed" , although some people might disagree with me and let you use "would". In the same sentence "it" is not clear, you should be clear and state "the social security system". ** In the sentence beginning with "And"..the use of "and" is valid because you are emphasizing the statement "And would they become happy?" This kind of question is called a "rhetorical question". It is a question that cannot be answered...except by some future event or maybe not answered at all. ** "seniors" is plural so no "the" ** "who" is necessary after "about". An alternative way of stating the same sentence is "Why do seniors who live in retirement homes complain about their care". This sentence also requires "who" since "live in a retirement homes" is a relative clause. I think you would state this sentence (using poor English) in Japanese structure as follows: "retirement homes living seniors". Since you cannot do this in English, you must use "who" to connect the relative phrase with the main object of the relative clause "seniors". ** "while (or "although")" is better than "however". ** "family relationships have not developed as much" is much clearer than "the relationships with family is being insufficient." It is usually clearer to use adjectival phrases such as "family relationships" rather than prepositional phrases. "happier times" is clearer than "times that were happier"..."profitable business" is clearer than "business that is profitable". This is not a fixed rule. But, generally, it is clearer if you can shorten a sentence using adjectival phrases..(an adjectival phrase can be a combination of both adjectives and nouns that modify the main noun.). ** "There is" should be singular because "communication" is stating a general term. This is tricky. .. ** "old people" in the U.S. are referred to as "senior citizens". "old people" is a derogatory remark (a statement that "looks down" on people because they are old.) ** You do not need "a" with physical care and mental care.

The following questions and comments should help you to continue and complete your report. If you wish to discuss any of these questions with the instructor, please contact him by e-mail. In addition to the questions listed here, you can, of course, think of your questions to complete you work.

If you use an article from a magazine, newspaper or online (Internet) source, you need to identify where that source came from. We will talk more about "sources of information" in class meetings.

You need to show some statistical data related to "age-groups" in Japan. For example, how many Japanese are "senior citizens"? Show the absolute number and the percentage of the total population. Additionally, you should show how these numbers are projected to change over the next 20 years.

What does it mean "retirement homes are not well run". Does this mean they are places filled with dirt, disease and general filth? Or does it mean that the emotional need of old people are not being taken care of...e.g. loneliness of the aged? Be more specific! Give some examples from "real life".

With Japan's economy continuing to "slow down", are young people moving back to their traditional homes? If this is true, do you think this trend will continue?

The "social-security" problem is not just limited to Japan. In the United States, the percentage of senior citizens is increasing and the number of new workers supporting them is decreasing. What policies, to ensure social security in the future, is the Japanese government proposing-if any?

Do you feel a responsibility to "take care" of your parents when they get old? Does this attitude of "take care of my parents" interfere with your own personal and, possibly, selfish desires? In a "materialistic" society, such as Japan, it would seem that "caring for people" greatly interferes with the desire to get something for "myself". Do you agree? How can these two opposites be handled?

Do most senior citizens want to have their children "take care of them" when they are old? Or, do most senior citizens want their children to have their own independent happiness and not have to worry about their parents? Is there any kind of survey which shows "attitudes of senior citizens". Try and find one or make one up yourselves.

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