We have undertaken the study of the "Political problems related to Crime and Safety in Japan. Is Japan still a safe country? If crime is increasing, what factors are contributing to this increase?" We had assigned six crimes and made a executive overview each other.

Recently, the crime rate is increasing in Japan. It was said that Japan was a safe country. But now, can we say so? Maybe we can't. There may be possible that we hear shooting guns frequently as if in the United States in future. There are many kinds of crime and most of them have a certain social meaning. So we should consider them as social problems, not as individual problems just among the persons concerned. This paper will discuss the following problems happened in Japan and will show the data.

The crimes are

1. Jusen problems,
2. Gun control related to crime and safety,
3. Bullying problems, Aum Shinrikyo,
4. The Ministry of Health and Welfare vs. hemophiliacs infected bad blood, and
5. Juvenile Crime.

1. Government decided to use $6.85 billion in taxpayers money to resolve the Jusen problem. But why do we have to pay tax to cover the bad credits of real estate companies? Besides LDP( Liberal Democratic Party) can't agree with that Gov. set the agricultural financial institutions on to return $600 million interest. Because many of their votes come from farmers and they will have an election this fall, so they can't agree with an opinion such as agricultural financial institutions have a burden. This point reflects the decay of politics in Japan.
2. In 1994, 259 criminal shooting incidents in Japan, an increase of 16 over 1993. What are the reasons make this country so dangerous? Here are the solutions and measures: strengthening prevention and control of the inflow of guns into Japan at the water's edge, reinforcing the punitive provisions by revising the law to control the possession of firearms and swords, cooperating with other countries concerned.
3. There are many bullying incidents in school, especially in junior high school. It leads suicide, refusal to attend school and so on. The Ministry of Education suggested three bills about "teasing problems" a few days ago.
4. In 1995, there are some incidents related to Aum Shinrikyo, for example Sarin gas attack and homicide of lawyer family. Believers' behavior depends on the character of Venerated master Shoko Asahara. This series of incidents reflected the power and terror of belief.
5. Discussion about AIDS in Japan is covered with mist ever since its start. Existing of different hypotheses of its finding in Japan is a particular character of its obscurity. What we could never fail to mention is, that infamous Unheated Concentrated blood deal. What made the government to permit it after millions of reports and experimental evidences were founded. Is "ignorance" and "apologizing" could be the "Menzaifu" of all guilty human makes. If so, what is the god to divine?
6. We will show a data of the juvenile crime rate in the Unite States as a comparison with Japan. Murder cases among 14- to 17-year old has increased 160 percent between 1984 and 1995 in the US. About the rate in Japan, under consideration. What factors make them commit a crime? We think one of them is the situation of their family, for example divorce, violence in the home and so on.

As to 'Jusen problem', at first government has to explain why they use taxpayers' money clearly. But we think there is no fair reason about that. As we can see among people who don't have loyalty to any party, such a decay of politics leads an indifference to politics. So we should reconsider about a constitution of government that they need only their benefit. We can say the same thing about AIDS problem.

As to 'bullying problem' and 'juvenile crime', the biggest factor make them commit a crime is that the situation of their family. The problem of their family make children be unstable. So we should look at each family again. And we should consider about the moral education at home. At last, some crimes committed by Aum Shinrikyo must not be forgiven. We need to think better of the law of a religious body.

Grammatical corrections and comments

Suggested Correction	Short grammatical or logical explanation
We have undertaken the study of the "Political problems related to Crime and Safety in Japan. Is Japan still a safe country? If crime is increasing, what factors are contributing to this increase?" We have assigned each other six crimes to research in order to make our report	** Your original wording of "had assigned" means you assigned each other something to do in the past and your work was completed in the past. "have assigned" means you have assigned each other "something to do" and this work continues in the present time. "each other " was in the wrong place in your original sentence. Also, you are not making an "executive report". The "executive report" is the first part of your "report".
Recently, the crime rate has been increasing in Japan. It is said that Japan is a safe country. But now, can we say so? Maybe we can't. It is possible that in the future we may hear shooting guns as in the United States. There are many kinds of crime and most of them have a certain social meaning. So we should consider them as social problems, not as individual problems only involving the persons concerned. This paper will discuss the following problems which have happened in Japan.	** "has been" means that the crime rate increased last year, and currently. "has been" shows something happening over time. "is", on the other hand means that something "is" only happening now. ** Most people, including many Japanese, as well as foreigners usually say Japan is a safe country...not it "was" a safe country. Don't you agree? ** You cannot say "we hear" because no one knows for certain. Therefore, you should say "may hear" or "might hear". Some of the words in the sentence have been moved. "in the future" should be in the front of the sentence since this is part of your main idea. **"only involving" is much clearer than "just involving". ** "which have" is needed because "happened in Japan" is part of a relative clause (something you do not have in the Japanese language very much). What does "happened in Japan" have to do with? "happened in Japan" are "problems". In Japanese, you might say something like "following happened in Japan problems". English does not use that type of expression, so you need the "which" to connect the relative clause "happened in Japan" to the main point "problems". ** Your last sentence has been shortened. It is obvious that you will support your statements with some kind of data research...therefore you do not need to say anything.
The crimes are: Jusen problems, Gun control related to crime and safety, Bullying problems, Aum Shinrikyo, The Ministry of Health and Welfare vs. hemophiliacs infected bad blood, and Juvenile Crime.	You need a ": (colon) "
The Government decided to use $6.85 billion in taxpayers money to resolve the Jusen problem. But why do regular Japanese citizens have to pay tax to cover the bad credits of real estate companies? In addition, the LDP( Liberal Democratic Party) can't agree with the government which ordered the agricultural financial institutions to return $600 million in interest. Since many of their votes come from farmers and they will have an election this fall, the LDP can't agree with the opinion regarding the agricultural financial institutions burden. This point reflects the decay of politics in Japan.	** You need "The" since you are speaking about a definite "Government" (e.g. the Japanese government) and "In addition" is better than "Besides"..."the" LDP is also a definite thing. ** "regular Japanese citizens" is clearer and more businesslike than "we" **"the government which ordered" is clearer than "set". "set" doesn't mean anything in English, although I am able to understand what you want to say from the context of your executive report and because I am familiar with the story. However, a reader who doesn't know anything about this problem would have a difficult time understanding with the word "set". ** "since" is clearer than "Because". In your original sentence, you said "they can't agree"..but it is not clear who "can't agree"...you should clearly state "who" and in this case, I assume, you mean "LDP". If this is incorrect, please send me an e-mail.
In 1994, there were 259 criminal shooting incidents in Japan, an increase of 16 over 1993. What are the reasons which make this country so dangerous? Here are the solutions and measures: strengthening prevention and control of the inflow of guns into Japan at the water's edge, reinforcing the punitive provisions by revising the law to control the possession of firearms and swords, and cooperating with other countries concerned.	** without "there were", you have no verb in your sentence. ** You need "which" because "make this country so dangerous" refer to "reasons". You could also write this sentence as "What are the reasons making this country so dangerous?" This might be easier than using a relative clause..but, actually, "making" hides the relative clause. ** You are listing a series of reasons...the last series should use "and". ** You say "What are the reasons which make this country so dangerous?" The reader is waiting for you to tell them what these reasons are. However, in the next sentences, you list a series of "solutions and measures"..but you have never told the reader what the reasons are for the shootings?
There are many bullying incidents in schools, especially in junior high school. It often leads to suicide; refusal to attend school and other serious problems. The Ministry of Education suggested three bills about "teasing problems" a few days ago.	You are talking about more than one school, so you should use the plural "schools". ** Your original sentence without "often leads to" gave the impression that all bullying leads to suicide and refusal to attend schools. However, I believe you mean that bullying "can lead" or "often leads" to these things. True? ** "and so on" is too weak an expression when talking about something as serious as bullying so "other serious problems" is stronger and clear. ** "a few days ago" is not clear enough. You should identify exactly when the Ministry of Education suggested these three bills. For example: The Ministry of Education sponsored three bills in 1994 and 1995 to do ....... Something.
In 1995, there were some incidents related to the Japanese cult, Aum Shinrikyo. Aum Shinrikyo was accused of the Sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subways and the murder of a lawyers family. The believers' behavior depends on the character of Venerated master Shoko Asahara. This series of incidents reflected the power and terror of belief.	"1995" was last year, therefore "were", the past tense of "to be" is used and not "are". Although you understand who the Aum Shinrikyo are, your readers, especially those in English cannot be expected to know who they are. Therefore, you should add "the Japanese cult". ** You should separate the first sentence into 2 separate sentences for clarity. ** "on the Tokyo subways" clarifies where the Sarin gas attack took place for the reader. ** Some commits a "murder" and then is accused of a "homicide". It is not wrong to say "a homicide of a lawyer" but "a murder of a lawyer" is about 99% more common. ** "The believers" is a definite thing..therefore, you need "the"
Discussion about AIDS in Japan has been covered with mist ever since its start. This is because of different hypotheses in Japan regarding the reason for the AIDS problem. What we could never fail to mention is, that infamous Unheated Concentrated blood deal. What made the government permit it after many reports and experimental evidence were found. Is ignorance and apologizing enough for guilty people to do? Is this all God wants?	** "has been" shows that something started in the past and continues into the present time. ** Your second sentence wasn't clear. It has been simplified. ** "to permit" should be "permit" ** "millions" is too strong..you mean "many".."evidence" is a plural word and doesn't need "evidences". **Your last two sentences are not clear "Is "ignorance" and "apologizing" could be the "Menzaifu" of all guilty human makes. If so, what is the god to divine"...Are you trying to say "Is ignorance and apologizing enough for guilty people to do? Is this all God wants? (I think that is your meaning but it is not clear..You are asking a "rhetorical question". Also, you use the word "Menzaifu" which is a Japanese term. You need to define this for your English readers.
We will show data of the juvenile crime rate in the United States in comparison with Japan. Murder cases among 14- to 17-year olds has increased 160 percent between 1984 and 1995 in the US. We are still studying the rate for juveniles in Japan. What factors make them commit a crime? We think one of the factors is the situation of their family, for example divorce, violence in the home and so on.	"data" is a plural word so doesn't require the indefinite article "a" nor the definite article "the". "datum" is the singular of "data" and would require either "a" or "the". ** "We are still studying the rate for juveniles in Japan." is clear. (I think you meant by the sentence "About the rate in Japan, under consideration" that you intend to study the rate of crime among juveniles...but your original sentence did not make sense. There was no verb and no object. ** "the factors" is clearer than "them". It is often better to repeat the point you are trying to make rather than use a relative pronoun like "them" or "her" of "their" unless it is absolutely clear who you are talking about. **
We conclude as follows: Regarding the 'Jusen problem', at first the government has to explain why they used taxpayers' money clearly. But we think there is no fair reason about that. Among people who don't have loyalty to any party, such a decay of politics leads to an indifference to politics. So we should reconsider the makeup of a government that only thinks about themselves . We can say the same thing about the AIDS problem.	**You need to state "your conclusion".. "Regarding" is better than "As to"...(You are trying to identify the main point of your sentence (e.g. using Japanese "wa" as in "Watashi wa" and this is often translated as "As the" but "Regarding" or "If we look at the Jusen problem" are much better businesslike English translations. **"the" government is a definite thing as used in your sentence. **"use" is present tense..you need "used" past tense ** You do not need "As we can see"...you should shorten the start of the sentence to "Among...", in other words say your main point directly. ** You need the preposition "to" **"the makeup of" means the people in the government more clearly than "constitution of"..."only thinks about itself " is, I believe, what you mean. ** "the AIDS problem" is a definite thing.
Regarding the 'bullying problem' and 'juvenile crime', the biggest factor making them commit a crime is the family situation. Family problems makes children unstable. So we should look at each family again. And we should consider about the moral education at home. In conclusion , some crimes committed by the Aum Shinrikyo must not be forgiven. We need to think about improving laws related to religion.	"Regarding the" is better than "As to"..see comment,above. ** "the family situation" is clearer than "situation of the family". It is also shorter. "Brevity (meaning shortness)" is almost always better than long sentences. ** "about improving laws related to religion" is clearer than "better of the law of a religious body".

The following questions and comments should help you to continue and complete your report. If you wish to discuss any of these questions with the instructor, please contact him by e-mail. In addition to the questions listed here, you can, of course, think of your questions to complete you work.

If you use an article from a magazine, newspaper or online (Internet) source, you need to identify where that source came from. We will talk more about "sources of information" in class meetings.

You state there were over 250 shooting crimes in Japan in 1994. This was an increase of 16. Do the statistics show that "shooting crimes" have been increasing over the last ten years? How many of the shootings caused a fatality (death)? You need to show some statistical data.

Has the crime rate in Japan for all crimes been going up over the past 10 years? In 1995, there was the problem of Jusen; of Aum Shinrikyo and an increase in shootings. Do you believe this shows a new and growing trend in crime or, on the other hand, was 1995 just an exceptional year and Japan is still a relatively safe country?

You said that the "problems of the family" make juveniles turn to crime. What kind of problems are you talking about? And, what kind of crimes, specifically, are juveniles becoming involved with? Be more specific. You need to support your statements with some specific cases.

Has "ijime", or "bullying" always been a problem in Japanese schools, especially junior high schools? For example, was "ijime" a problem 25 years ago; 15 years ago, or is it a new problem? Besides the family environment, what are the reasons given by the students who participate in "ijime"? Can you find any situations where "ijime" was controlled by the school?

Why has it taken the Japanese government so long to admit to the problem in the AIDS scandal? Additionally, during the Kobe earthquake many people noticed that the government was very slow and inefficient in coming to the aid of the Kobe earthquake sufferers? In fact, several newspapers noted that the Yakuza actually helped Kobe earthquake victims quicker and more efficiently than the government. First of all, is this true? And, secondly, if it was true, what are the reasons for the government's slow response?

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